Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Naked Dating?

I suspicion everyone has heard about that new reality show, Naked Dating. When I read about it, all I could think was, who in their right mind would want to go on a blind date without a stitch of clothing on? Here you are, trying to get to know somebody, but you don’t get to do it little bits at the time. Heck no, you are broadsided by the complete enchilada on the first date.
Warts, tattoos, moles and all.

Those TV folks may call it naked dating, but down here in the South, we call it what it is. It’s flat out, no holds barred, nekkid dating. If you aren’t acquainted with the phrase, let me introduce you to Lewis Grizzard, a famous Southern humorist Here’s how he explained the difference between naked and nekkid.

“If you’re naked, you don’t have any clothes on, but if you’re nekkid, you don’t have any clothes on…and you’re up to something.”

Maybe none of the folks involved in this show are up to something other than trying to make money and titillate viewers. But like we say down here, if it looks like a skunk and smells like a skunk…

One would imagine certain consequences of two young humans wandering around nekkid. It would be normal for the guy’s appreciation of the female to be obvious. Kinda like a flag waving in the air. 

But what if the flag droops? Will the female get depressed because her partner’s interest has, well, flagged? Then again, what if it flies as if there’s a stiff breeze for a long time. Does the camera crew rush the guy to the ER? I’m just wondering since all those Viagra commercials warn that longterm flag flying leads straight to the ER.

I admit I didn’t bother to watch the show. Mostly, because I read in the newspaper that they’d blurred all the good parts. Which didn’t surprise me atall since they probably didn’t want the FCC to fine them.

What I do know is that I hope nekkid dating doesn’t take ahold down here in Tassanoxie. Alabama ranks #4 in the state line up for fat folks which means there’s a lot of overweight people here. Not that we’re alone. Obesity is becoming an epidemic in the whole USA. Nothing to brag on there.

On the plus side, that fact should slow down the rush to nekkid dating in these parts. 

Thank goodness. I can’t think of anything more embarrassing than going down to the Corner Cafe and running into a couple I know on a nekkid date. And it’d be plumb sad to watch them get hauled off to jail. And they would, because there’s not a doubt in my mind that Odell would call the police. Not that I’d watch them getting taken away. After all, they’d be naked. 


And if I went back to the Corner Cafe, there’s no way I’d ever sit where they sat while they were at the diner.