Wednesday, July 29, 2020

Zooming in on Imperfections

It’s not enough we’re all worried about contacting a contagious, often deadly virus, now many of us have to contend with looking at ourselves up close and personal on a computer screen.

Hours of this type of torture make folks overly aware of what they believe are visual flaws. Was my left eyebrow always a little higher than the right? OMG, that crooked tooth is soooo crooked. Do I really look that old? I thought I was aging rather well, but all I can see are a lot of wrinkles.


Unhappy with what they see reflected on the screen of whatever device they use, teleworkers ran screaming to their local cosmetic surgeon the minute the window in their country/state/city allowed elective surgery. According to the surgeons, these folks knew exactly what they wanted, too. After all, they’d spent hours of their lockdown/stay-at-home mandate to research it.

When the U.S. reopened in April, cosmetic surgeons went back to work with a vengeance. Americans wanted boob jobs, liposuction, and botox.

Boob jobs? What? Why? Do they think their breasts are small because they’re watching themselves in a tiny square on a laptop screen? Or, oh my gosh, on a tablet? Or even worse, their phone?

I’m not teleworking, but I have been to several Zoom meetings. All I usually see is the head and shoulders of the participants. Which makes me wonder about the uptick in liposuction. Can a doctor suck the fat from your face and shoulders?

Botox, I understand. It’s used to smooth out facial wrinkles. Faces are very much a part of video conferencing.

Americans aren’t the only ones having work done on their perceived flaws. The number of cosmetic surgery procedures jumped in England and Australia, too. Brits prefer nose jobs while the Aussies lean toward face lifts and nose jobs. No bigger boobs for these people.

With the number of COVID-19 cases blowing through the roof in the USA, I think the elective surgery window recently slammed shut again. Beds and PPE are needed for the more serious problem of treating COVID-19 patients.

For those who want cosmetic surgery, reducing the number of COVID-19 infections should be high on your to do list. Level that ominous curve long enough and you’ll be able to have cosmetic surgery. So wear a mask and encourage everyone you know to do the same.

In case you’re waiting to have your body updated, never fear, there are ways to improve your looks while teleconferencing.

First of all, you can always turn off the photo option. That way others just see a blank square. Or you can situate yourself in front of a bright window. You’ll be so shadowy the others won’t be able to see that turkey neck you just realized you had. Or you can fill the area behind you with lots of stuff . Beanie baby collection? Star Wars Lego starships? The display will captures your co-workers attention, diverting it from noticing you and all your flaws. Of course, you’ll have to periodically change the display to keep your audience’s attention away from your face.

If you’re using your phone, hold it away from your face with a selfie stick. Just remember, the smaller you are, the less likely any flaws will be noticed.

For many workers in the USA, teleworking and video conferences are probably here to stay no matter how the COVID-19 pandemic plays out. Sounds like good news for cosmetic surgery doctors.