Friday, September 7, 2018

It Ain’t Easy Getting Older

Aging is not for the faint of heart. It’s also not for anyone who doesn’t want to hear a litany of physical complaints when they absentmindedly ask an acquaintance, “How ya doing?”

You can forget hearing “Fine. How are you doing?”

Oh, no. Once you and your acquaintances hit the 50s and up, conversations drift into health issues with amazing frequency. All of a sudden, you not only know what dementia is, you know someone with it. And you worry every time you stand in front of an opened refrigerator and can’t remember what the heck you wanted, if dementia has started messing with your brain.

Even if you’re feeling good, most of your friends aren’t.

You may not be having serious health problems, but darn if your body doesn’t start changing in weird ways. Shoes don’t fit right because when you weren’t looking your toes got crooked. Veins you didn’t know you had show up on your legs. Your hair, once  a brown with a sprinkling of gray, heads toward gray with white around the corner.

Suddenly, everyone in your circle talks about their aching and creaking joints. And next thing you know, they’re getting new hips or new knees.

Every time you look in the mirror, there’s a new line on the face looking back. Which explains all the products guaranteed to slow the hand of time. I heard about the latest wonder cream on a recent John Tesh radio show. It’s called Wrinkle Butter. No fancy dancy product name here to entice use. Why bother? After all, its main ingredient is earthworm pooh!

Yep, earthworm pooh. Or more technically, earthworm casings.

I’ve got no idea how long Wrinkle Butter has been around, but it hit the media recently so lots of folks know about it now. Seems that earthworms are not only good for plants, but also for human skin. This, according to farmers who muck around in the pooh. Sam said he could just see a gnarled, old farmer holding out his hands and admiring how soft they were since he started raising earthworms and could play in their pooh.

I’m going out on a limb here, but I figure the Wrinkle Butter makers have added stuff to make Wrinkle Butter smell good so folks don’t have to worry about smearing earthworm pooh on their body parts.

But, hey. Don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it. That’s my motto. Which is also why I ordered me a jar of the stuff. Now if only the Wrinkle Butter can help creaky joints and funny shaped toes.