Aging Southern Style

When I was a young’un I never thought I’d see the day when I went by the title reserved for all those old

folks I knew. Yep, I’m now in the dreaded, “Miss” (insert your first name here)” category.

And while I know darn good and well it’s a sign of respect and I’m not supposed to shudder when I hear it applied to me... Well, I can’t help myself. Whenever some young, or not so young, whippersnapper calls me “Miss Mabel,” I shudder.

I also smile at them while my brain screeches, How did this happen? When did I age out of being the one who called older people by this moniker? When did I become old enough to be saluted like this?

Oh, let me see. When all the people older than me died?

Okay, they’re not all dead.

But that gigantic age span between me and them that seemed insurmountable when I was younger has disappeared. There’s no one left for me to call “Miss or Mr. First Name” and it would be just plain rude (but fun) if I used it while talking to my friends and acquaintances.

When people unacquainted with our ways, (i. e. Yankees, which is to say anyone not from the South) hear a youngster say this, they aren’t sure how it works. Let me explain.

Somewhere, lost in the annals of Southern history, someone came up with the idea of prefacing the person’s first name with the requisite Mr./Miss for when a person is too well known to a younger person to be called by the more formal Mr./Mrs. Last Name.
Since this the system was devised way before women’s lib, there is no room for the all inclusive Ms. An older woman is automatically called “Miss First Name.” Which is how I transitioned through the years from Mabel (youth) to Ms. Carothers (early career) to Mrs. Jeremiah Tuckingham (marriage) and now to Miss Mabel (Medicare card has arrived in the mail).

If this isn’t a smack in-the-face sign that I’m aging, then I’m not Miss Mabel.

Skipping Spring

Alabama has never been a place where one gets tired of one’s winter wardrobe, mainly because our winters aren’t cold enough long enough. In fact, there have been some winters so warm I didn’t even get a chance to go through my limited sweater collection, much less wear each one until I tired of looking at it.

2012-13 was not one such winter. And if the retail stores hadn’t been so darn busy stocking the shelves with bathing suits and other such summer garb, I’d of bought myself a new sweater several weeks ago.

Of course, I knew I’d no more buy one than the temperature would shoot up to 80º and there I’d be with an unworn, new sweater. Darn if Mother Nature didn’t fool me. The third week of March, she hit us with a freeze. Even broke records for the area. Had all the early bird gardeners rushing to cover newly planted baby flowers and vegetables since our last frost date is supposed to be March 15th. Good thing I’m not a gardener, I had no baby plants to cover. 

And I probably would have forgotten to uncover them when it started getting warm a few days later. Warm, then hot enough I figured we were going to skip spring and slide straight to summer. 

A long, hot, triple digit summer. 

Then wham! Mother Nature sent a cold front and Alabama went from hot to cold (for us) in a matter of hours, sliding from the morning 70s into the afternoon 50s. 

Good thing I haven’t packed up all my winter sweaters yet......

Who Stole the Scent?

Don’t bother to bury your face in a bouquet of store-bought flowers expecting to inhale aromas to delight your nose. Not with today’s flowers, anyway. 

Commercial flowers are a feast for the eyes, but not the nose. In the quest for longer shelf life, more vibrant color, and bigger blooms, scent got left behind. Not that lack of scent stops me. Old habits die hard and every time I’m around a bouquet of flowers, I dump my nose in expecting to smell something good. 

Not.

As usual, messing with nature has its dark side because scent plays a major role in the cycle of life. All those acres of land devoted to growing scentless flowers means there’s lots of pollinators (bees, moths, hummingbirds, etc.) who are no longer attracted to the flowers because they can’t smell them. That’s not good because the pollinators need the flowers‘ nectar and the flowers need the pollinators.

   

Thus, the disappearing “scent trail” isn’t a good thing for farmers and others who depend on farming for a living. 

Makes me think re-scenting flowers would be a win-win-win: I could enjoy the scent when I stick my nose in a bouquet, bees could find the flowers, and farmers would have healthy, pollinated plants. 

All of which makes me vote in favor of flowers with a shorter shelf life and longer scent life.

New Year, Old Resolution

If I don’t hurry up and post something to this here blog, the new year will be an old year. It sure doesn’t seem like October was the last time I added something, but Google doesn’t lie and the date of my last entry is emblazoned on the last blog. 

Therefore, it’s been weeks. 

Weeks that just flew by, what with Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s Eve all crammed up together like they are. Seems to me, Thanksgiving could be moved back a little, to give a body breathing space. I mean, it’s not like Congress hasn’t messed around with all the other holidays we celebrate. Good heavens, Columbus Day was celebrated on the 8th of October last year and my calendar didn’t even acknowledge the real Columbus Day on Friday, October 12th! 

According to the U.S. Congress, Christopher Columbus was a wishy-washy explorer who couldn’t make up his mind what day to land. And by making Columbus Day a federal holiday and switching the date around, Congress flat takes all the joy out of being born on the real Columbus Day! My mother was born on October 12, but now it’s just a day in October if the 12th doesn’t fall on the second Monday. No sense telling anyone you were born on Columbus Day, they'd just stare at you blankly.

Now where was I? Oh, yes. How there’s a big gap in my blogging around the holidays. Can’t say I won’t do it again this year, but I’m re-resolving to try and blog more regularly. 

And I’m wishing my readers-yes, there seems to be some although they don’t comment but as I told Sam, I certainly haven’t visited my blog over 500 times–a happy, healthy 2013.

Life-Size Cardboard Cutout Candidates

I covered a lot of local, state and national elections during my years as a newspaper reporter. I believed I’d seen it all, but as soon as a body starts thinking like that, you find out you haven’t. 

Leastways, I’d never seen this.

What am I talking about? A political supporter who gets their photograph made, not with the real-life candidate, but with a life-size cardboard cutout candidate. Like one of those standups they use for movie releases.

If that don’t beat all, I don’t know what does. Worst part, how do you politely respond when a friend shows you said photograph? I mean, I wanted to laugh, but good manners, pounded into me by my mama, made sure I didn’t do more than giggle myself into a fake cough.

Now, I realize Alabama is not one of them so-called swing states. Not with a state population a tad under five million residents. And we’re talking, residents, not voters. Those numbers put us on the low end of any national candidate’s interest. Fact is, national leaders only visit Alabama when we’ve suffered horrific national disasters Like Deepwater Horizon or killer tornadoes. Based on the noticeable lack of interest by national candidates during election time, I guess the local politicos decided that a cardboard cutout of a candidate was better than nothing. 

My friend certainly thought so because there she is standing next to her smiling, life-size candidate as happy as she can be. Which kinda scares me. If it’s that easy to please a voter, will candidates begin to ship out cardboard replicas of themselves instead of bothering to campaign? Picture the campaign bus pulling into town to unload, not the candidate, but cardboard cutouts.

Once elected, will they use the cardboard replicas of themselves when they don’t want to show up for work? Hmmm, maybe not a bad idea.

Imagine, a Congress full of cardboard replicas. Is that such a bad idea? Think about it. The cardboard cutouts might actually get something done. 

Ear Lifts Anyone?

The best way to find out the latest gossip in Tassanoxie, is to visit Zonie Mae’s beauty shop. That’s where I get most of my news now that I don’t work on the newspaper. Of course, most of her news is flat-out gossip, but I’m not in the business of reporting facts these days. And gossip is way more fun.

According to Zonie Mae, a mutual acquaintance has gone and got an ear lift. Well, really it’s more an ear plump because the doctor pumped something called facial filler into her ears. Until yesterday I had no idea any such thing even existed. And now that I’ve heard about it, it does have a certain allure.

Truth is, I never thought I’d want to bother with cosmetic surgery, but then I never thought to see this side of sixty and I certainly never thought I’d live long enough to see my earlobes droop. But as a friend says, it is what it is. I’ve lived past my earlobe warranty and my earlobes have decided to pay me back for punching holes in them and dangling earrings off them for all these years.

Believe me, it wasn't any fun to notice a definite ear droop. And they're sort of creased, too, especially when I pop earrings into them. And I never wore the huge earrings popular today. I have no idea how much fashionable earrings weigh since I haven’t tried them on so I may be way off in thinking they’re stretching earlobes. But it just seems a reasonable conclusion.

As does the prediction that cosmetic surgeons are going to have plenty of women who need ear lifts for the foreseeable future. Which means I should probably hurry to the doctor before there’s a long line.

Treasure Hunt Contest

Isn't that a pretty diamond? Ginger Hanson, the creator of our Tassanoxie stories asked me to tell you about a contest her publisher is running over at Twilight Times Books. Here's her message:

Miss Mabel,

Will you tell all your readers the treasure hunt contest involving jewels and my book, Lady Runaway, has begun? I wouldn't want them to miss out on the chance to win some neat prizes at the Twilight Times Books Treasure Hunt! (September 1 - 30, 2012)

Thanks a bunch!

ginger

For details visit:

http://twilighttimesbooks.com/contest2012.html